Posts Tagged ‘Jason Heyward’

Rudy, but mo’ gangsta

It’s been a frustrating year for me in fantasy baseball. I entered the year mired in a Konerko-esque career slump, having not even gotten a trophy (a top-3 finish) in any baseball league since 2005. Every year I’ve had at least two, sometimes more, teams. I had good keepers, but my team had a desperate lack of pitching. Jair Jurrjens’ injury, Scott Baker’s mental implosion, Tim Lincecum’s worst season to date, and Andre Ethier injured himself when he was leading the NL in all three Triple Crown categories. The luck seemed bad, the odds long.



The calendar turned to June. I trade a still DL-stricken Andre Ethier to my older brother for David Wright (at that point, with eight homers, nine steals, a .260-something average and 34 RBI) and John Danks (who had just been blown up for eight runs and 11 hits and walks in four innings). Ed. Note: Ethier keeps for 13, so Jeremy isn’t a jackass. I guess.

Five weeks later, I deal Jason Heyward, an unbelievably good keeper at 8, to another manager in my league who had given up already (he was in a perfectly reasonable fifth place at the time) for Cole Hamels (sporting a 4.20 ERA) and Roy Halladay (cementing himself as the frontrunner for the Cy Young already).

In two big deals, and admittedly some awesome luck with midseason acquisitions (picking up Corey Hart, Paul Konerko, Jose Tabata, Ian Desmond, Mike Leake (early), hitting Josh Willingham on his hot streak, Chris Perez, John Axford, Joel Piñeiro for one start – a complete game shutout – they all helped the cause), my season picked up from a low point of 54 at the end of June.

I shot up the rankings to first place by early August, then was unceremoniously passed by the defending champion, my twin brother (and lifelong arch-rival), a few days leader. Riding fantasy offensive juggernaut-cyborg-roto-terminators Carlos Gonzalez, Albert Pujols and Carl Crawford (Y! season-to-date ranks: 1, 2 and 9 respectively), Roy Oswalt’s ridiculous production after his trade to the Phillies and Josh Johnson and Cliff Lee’s all-important early season contributions, Matt stormed past me and built an intimidating late season lead.

Beating me 79-68 on August 20-something, and 83-74 just ten days ago, Matt looked unstoppable. Climbing from that deficit seemed like an insurmountable task. What’s a ridiculous task that I could use to metaphorize and explain to you…


It’s like climbing up….



But I Man-in-Blacked that shit. I did it. Today, I am in first place. 82-81.5. No, it might not last. I don’t care. Second place pays for both my leagues anyway. I made it back to the top. I caught Matt, and proved that I still got it.

Allow me to re-introduce myself.


Today’s Heroes: 5/30 – Le Blogging

Sundays are free here. I have class from 9-12:15 5 days a week, and have class some days and activities other days in the afternoon until dinner. Then dinner, then either passing out, going out drinking, the latter followed by the former, or staying up late watching TV. Doing these activities leaves me dog-tired, and wanting nothing to do with hopping on the computer and banging out 700 words of fantasy advice when I barely have the time to pay attention (that didn’t stop Teamocil from climbing back into forth place on the heels of The Great Jason Heyward, Carlos Gonzalez and Robbie Cano’s strong weeks). But I’ve done it anyway, for you. Yesterday, I spent literally all day in the mediocre-at-best city of Marseille (go here if you want to hear why), was too tired to go out in France on a Saturday night, so the fact that a wrote a blog post was heroic, at the least.

Today is Sunday, though. Sundays are free. Completely free. I can wake up at 2:15 if I want to (check), I can have breakfast at 2:45 of espresso, a baguette smothered in nutella and apricot confiture (check), then download some hip-hop I had wanted to for two months (check), then listen to it while cranking out a Today’s Heroes (check). So here it is.

  • I don’t know how many people know this, but since 1996, only one team in all of the Major Leagues has a winning record against the Yankees. That team would be (sorry, Collin and *snicker snicker* O’s fans) the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I hate them. Not enough to refuse owning any of their players (Kendry Morales and Jered Weaver, and I used to have a spot reserved for K-Rod on my teams in the mid-2000’s), but enough to never even secretly root for them against the Yanks. I bench Jered Weaver every time. Yesterday, I was given another very good reason to hate them. After their one non-evil hitter (Kendry), hit a walk-off grand slam, what do they do to thank him? Break his fucking leg, that’s what. And they all joined in to beat the living crap out of him and sideline him for 10-12 weeks. Serious pricks. Now that incredible keeper pick his so much less valuable, and I need offense. Members of the league, I’m listening to offers for a pitcher of mine.

Leg Assassination: The Montage

  • Continuing this morning’s theme of hatred, I hate Carlos Silva. He’s a below-average pitcher throwing up top-50 fantasy numbers for no good reason. After 7 innings and 11 Ks last night, my hatred builds, fueled by the certain knowledge that if I were to pick him up, he would immediately begin to suck on my team, I know it. The eventual regression will not take place on my starting roster, I assure you.
  • Dexter Fowler had a good run. However, if you play in the Rockies outfield, you’re on a preposterously short leash. Why? Because after Carlos Gonzalez and Brad Hawpe, they have 3-4 interchangeable outfielders. Enter Seth Smith, the Rockies’ Flava-Flav-of-the-week, hitting .409 with seven runs, three dingers and six RBI. He hits behind CarGo and ahead of Tulowitzki, Helton, Hawpe, Stewart and Olivo in some order. That’s a pretty sweet place to be, so you should keep an eye on this guy. If he locks that spot up, he’ll be even more valuable than his season total of 8 homers would have you believe (which is already adequately valuable).
  • The time difference pwned me in the Buster Posey sweepstakes me. While everyone was hearing the news of his call-up yesterday morning, I was stuck on some lame train through the historic district of Marseille (not my idea), handcuffed by the idea of time zones. Starting Miguel Olivo in both leagues, Posey would be a perfect addition because I’m not deluding myself that Olivo can continue to be on pace for 30 HR and 15 steals. Yes, those are his 475-AB paces. Obviously I wouldn’t drop Olivo, but Posey, a can’t miss offensive prospect at catcher, would be a very nice backup, keeping for 1 (he was already in the Yahoo! universe and available in both leagues). C’est la vie, as they say over here. Over there, we call it pwned.
  • Former Terrapin Brett Cecil continued his stellar widely-available play? Why widely available? Because the last time he had a stretch like this, everyone picked him up. Then he sucked for a few starts, and everyone dropped him again. Well, I’m not making that mistake again, unless of course I can trade two pitchers for a great power hitter. Then I might make that mistake again. Totally a viable option, guys. Just saying. I need hitting.
  • Is John Axford the Brewers’ new closer? I haven’t been reading the rags, but he has a win and two saves in his last two appearances, so that leads me to believe it is. In that case, there will be a scrum for him in all leagues, since the Brewers are a decent team that would be better if they hadn’t been employing Trevor Hoffman. They have an unbelievable lineup, and at least one pitcher of delivering consistently great performances (Yovani Gallardo). That should be a solid two-three saves a week if he can keep the job.

Thank God I have this blog to express my Morales frustration, since absolutely no one in France cares about baseball, if not, suppressing this rage would be very unhealthy.

Hey There Everyone

I know I’ve been noticeably absent from these parts recently, and I swear there’s a good explanation for that, which I won’t go into, but it’s not the lame cop-out “I have four final papers due within a week of each other,” bullspit…well that’s part of it, but not most of it, since that is the current predicament I find myself in.

However, to make it up to all of you, this afternoon from now (12:30) until about 5 or 6 p.m., I will be LIVE BLOGGING the wonderful slate of afternoon baseball, which includes, game ones of doubleheaders featuring the Yankees and Tigers, Rockies and Phillies, not to mention just afternoon baseball from the Pirates and Reds, Mets and Nationals, Braves and Brewers, White Sox and Twins, Blue Jays and Red Sawx and Marlins and Cubbies.

Keep checking back here to find out if Phil Hughes will continue his awesomeness and my pontification if he does. Hear me berate Collin as the Sawx get pummeled by the Jays, pledge my devotion to Jason Heyward and Rickie Weeks, and relentlessly mock everyone involved in the Mets and Nationals game. Should be a good time, remember to check back here often, because there are no classes and no exams, what better things do you have to do?

Update 1:14 p.m: So the baseball gods were kind enough to have one warmup game start at 12:30, which only has one little fantasy nugget: a reminder that Joey Votto might be the most underrated slugger in the make-believe game. After swatting a 2-run dinger in the first, he’s hitting .314 with 8 homers and 24 RBI on the year. He’s not going to hit 40 HR this year, but no one’s going to complain about a .310 hitter with 30-35 homers and 110-120 RBI who costs $5-10 less than the big boys. Anyone who’s ever owned Votto will attest to what a joy he is to just put in at 1B and never worry, unless he has mono.

Vazquez, not Hughes, is starting in the afternoon game, so the positive pontificating promised will likely turn into obscenity-laced tirades. Sorry in advance. Blame his mysterious inability to pitch to AL hitters.

Last thing, Juan Pierre has already stolen two bases, giving him 17 on the year. Never has a purer one-category contributor existed. I’ll be back with more soon when more happens.

Update 1:37 p.m: I have, for some insane reason, not mentioned Jeff Niemann once in this space before this very moment. That was a mistake. Not only is he dominating all that he’s faced, but he’s doing it on my fantasy

Unheralded Awesomeness

team! His line (through seven starts): 3-0, 2.27 ERA, 1.01 WHIP, 28 Ks. The Ks aren’t dominant per se, but he’s yet to not throw a quality start out there, and he’s had a game with eight punchout, so the potential is there. Pitching behind one of the best lineups in the game will mean plenty of wins, and with ratios like that, I’m so happy he’s mine for one dollar for the next two years.

Also, thanks to Holgash for the comments, and picking Homer Bailey is never, ever a safe bet, even against the Pirates. He’s the kind of pitcher that will literally make you vomit from frustration. Avoid at all costs.

Update 2:09 p.m: I’ve recurring had this thought all year: What the *expletive* is the deal with Drew Stubbs. A somewhat-under-the-radar prospect heading into this year, I targeted him lightly but didn’t wind up with him, and wasn’t too disappointed. He’s gone on to deliver one of the strangest fantasy lines since the season began: .198, 3 dingers, 13 RBI, 20 R, 8 SB. Other than the appallingly terrible batting average, that’s a solid line. Some power, very good speed, and help in the other categories. If he has so much talent, why is he only getting base hits one-fifth of the time?

Well, he’s been extremely unlucky. He has a BABIP of .243, his HR/FB ratio is waaaay down from last year, and he’s walking 10 percent of the time, which is better than last year? If he’s on the wire in your leagues, pick him up, because he’s about to start socking more dingers and that average is going to pick up. Not to a good average, but to an ownable average.

In other news, our hero, Jason Heyward is 0-2 against Yovani Gallardo, so I’m okay. Gallardo’s been a strikeout machine this year, sporting a 10.97 K/9 ratio, and he’s the ace of Teamocil’s non-streamer-wins-and-Ks-leading staff.

Update 2:43 p.m: As if our boy Jason Heyward couldn’t get anymore awesome. After drawing a walk, he stole a base for the second straight day, officially confirming himself as the Messiah.

Also, as if today were some sort of karmic retribution holiday, Homer Bailey is shutting out the Pirates, and they’re leaving him in for the ninth inning. Son of a…mother. The Sawx and Yanks are BOTH losing, satisfying only Rays fans, and dampening the interminable suffering that is the existence of an Orioles fan.

The Mets and Nationals, as promised, are playing a comically horrible game. Fantasy relevant news from that game…uhhhhh….pitchers have driven in four of the six runs, Roger Bernadina hit a homer, and Mike Pelfrey came upon his first five out via the strikeout. He only has one K since then, and has been positively mediocre all day. Just the worst. I mourn for the afternoons of anyone who paid to see that game.

Update 3:43 p.m: I wish I had a stat for the last time both the Yankees and the Red Sox were shut out on the same day. I don’t, but I’m sure it’s either been a while or happened very recently. Or somewhere in the middle. Regardless, not a happy day in either Yankee Universe or Red Sox Nation.

On the other side of the coin, Shaun Marcum was once again dominant. Chances are, he’s unavailable in any of your leagues, I’d just like to shake my fist at the sky since I rostered him at the end of last year on both of my teams on the off-chance I’d keep him. I didn’t. Son of a mother!

In an unfortunate turn of events, very few exciting things have happened thus far in the afternoon games, making

What a lil' cutie

this live blog Much Ado About Diddly Poo (I think that was Shakespeare’s original title of his play, but diddly poo has lost some of its taboo since the 16th century). However, Cubs wunderkind Starlin Castro, who I think is the only player in majors younger than I, is 2-3 so far in his first game as Teamocil’s shortstop. And in case you were wondering, I really don’t care what Collin thinks.

Update 4:38 p.m: Yup, total jinx. I’m a fool to think that Kelly Gregg would come through for both me and his team, instead of just barely for his team like he did. At least the Sawx still lost.

This will be my last blog post because nothing interesting nor fantasy relevant will happen until I’m off work at 6. It’s been fun, thanks for reading, and keep an eye on those youngsters, like Castro, Heyward and, apparently, Roger Bernadina, who just hit his second homer to give the Nats a 6-4 lead in the ninth. Also, happy karmic retribution day.

Todays Heroes – 5/3

After a whirlwind weekend pandering to the birthday girl…friend and spending too much time stuffing my face full of crab, pizza, waffles/french toast and beer and spirits, I’m back. This week is going to be just as crazy as the last with work, so the posts will be a little more abbreviated, but I will try my damndest to post once a day. On to the bullets:

  • Guys who won’t stop hitting and find themselves nestled on my teams: Robinson Cano, Paul Konerko, Andre Ethier, Jason Heyward (he’s baaaack) and Carlos Gonzalez. All of these guys have been just insane, the first three especially. Konerko, as Collin so delightfully explained, is experiencing a rennaissance, and is leading the majors in homers after hitting four in his last four games. He has 12, and the second-place guys (two of whom are Cano and Ethier, joined by Mark Reynolds and Kelly Johnson) all have nine. Cano leads the majors with a .387 average, Ethier leads the NL in batting average, homers and RBI, on pace for the first NL Triple Crown since Joe “Ducky” Medwick in 1936. No, I didn’t have to even look that up, it’s memorized. I’m scared for myself too.

What does this mean for my teams? Nothing of course. Both of them are middle-of-the-pack right now, thanks too average starts by their eventual offensive leaders (Matt Holliday and Ryan Howard) and inconsistent pitching (damn you, Scott Baker!). After an atrocious 1-20 stretch, Heyward has adjusted and homered in three straight games, then drove in another three runs to bring his numbers back to All-Star levels. Drooool.

  • Not to say I told you so, but I told you so.
  • David Freese demands your attention. Second only to Ethier in the NL in batting average, the Cardinals’s third baseman was a titan with the stick last week, socking three dingers and driving in 11, batting .500. Hitting behind Albert Pujols, Matt Holliday and the white Jason Heyward makes pitchers so exhausted that they’re probably just throwing junk to Freese. However, those guys will be there all year, so he’ll keep seeing the junk. If you’re thin at third, you have to pick him up. He’s got that starting job all to himself, he’s in that lineup, and he’s hitting, yet mind-bogglingly owned in only 18 percent of Yahoo! leagues. I would pick him up, but having Kung Fu Panda and Ryan Zimmerman with no room on my bench prevents me. You lucky schmucks.

    He's enjoying the ride. You won't

  • It’s that time of year again when you contemplate picking up Scott Hairston. It’s okay, it’s totally natural. He’s got this annoying tendency to pwn bitches for a week or two, then suck for months, then great again. Don’t do it. There are better options out there, especially at outfield, and especially not on the Friars.
  • Streamer options for tomorrow, quick version: Wade LeBlanc, though he’s already a member of Teamocil, pitching in Petco. I don’t care if he’s facing the Rockies, he’s a Padre, his ERA’s 0.52, he should be on your team if you’re streaming and not Jabula. The D-Train may finally be leaving the station, though Minnesota’s a dangerous club at home. Other random dudes who might give you quality innings: Ian Kennedy, Luke Hochevar and Scott Feldman.

That’s all for today. Hope you kids enjoy the beautiful weather. Oh, wait, it’s thunderstorming and I have to work on a golf cart all afternoon? Wha…wha…why squirrel hate me?



First of all, when you have a blog, you have to use a corny headline every now and then, so just cut me a break and continue reading the post.  I’m not apologizing.

Martin Prado is a good baseball player.  Brian McCann says he may well one day win a batting title.  Prado is, in fact, so good he is currently hitting over .360 with an OBP of .429.  Just look at his swing:

Now look over to RBIs.


What?  That doesn’t make sense…a player with that average should have at least 10 RBIs, even if they were a complete and total accident

Lots of Braves have had this look this year...

The problem for his fantasy owners (and himself, and his team and really the world at large) is how awful the Atlanta Braves lineup is.  Prado is the only guy to have hit in the same lineup spot for the season thus far.  Seriously, it’s terrible.  After Prado, there is no one with at least 50 at bats hitting over .250.  That’s 1 for 4 folks.  Somehow, 7 out of the 8 position players on Atlanta can’t even muster a 1 for 4 average.

This number includes the almighty and exalted Jason Heyward, who as I had previously mentioned would temper…something my good friend and colleague may have neglected.

Four of these Braves are hitting below .215!  Prado never had a chance.

So what’s the lesson here?  Is Prado worthless?  No, the Braves can’t possibly be this bad all year.  Either these players will turn it around or new players will be brought in.  A Triple-A offense could hit better than the Braves right now, and every player on the Braves should be aware of who is playing his position on the Gwinnett Braves, lest he be heading to Atlanta tomorrow.

Prado should be used as a spot player to stabilize batting average, but few teams have the power to support having such a low RBI total at any of Prado’s 3 positions.  It’s debilitating.

As far as trade value, I would recommend buying (if he’s a free agent, your league is full of morons).  The average is real, guys.  Completely sustainable.  Just watch his swing.  And the power can only increase.  Either the Atlanta Braves will get better or lots of Gwinnett hitters will be featured on this blog as we try to inform you about their fantasy value.

Which will surely be higher than these Braves right now.

Thoughts from a villainous mind…

Fantasy baseball is not a game won and lost in the first round of a draft or with the most expensive player in an auction.  You win a league by seeing the potential in an obscure player before anyone else.  I have had success in this with Casey McGeehee and Martin Prado this year.  Both, at the beginning of the year were owned in less than 30% of Yahoo leagues.  Now both are STARTED in more than 70%.  Ridiculous.  While your streaks of genius might not be quite as profound, heed my advice to come closer to the top of your league.

Also, how about those Milwaukee Brewers beating Pittsburgh 20-0?  They just have too much talent not to go on a run at some point and this 4-game win streak may be the beginning.

Here are some players who will have huge rises in % owned over the next few weeks:

Brett Gardner OF (29%)- I’ve already owned him once this year and he is a potentially great 3-category player.  He will get a ton of steals and, while his batting average will likely drop slightly, there is no reason to think he can’t hit around .290 or so.  Hitting in the Yankees lineup, unfortunately, also helps him immensely in runs.

Ty Wigginton 1B, 2B, 3B (34%)- Wigginton’s success deserves to be reemphasized from this morning.  Even though virtually every Baltimore game appears to be Iron Man going up against Magneto (think about it), the team has a few fantasy commodities.  Wigginton has already hit 5 home runs this year.  Although he hasn’t played a full season since 2003, the Orioles might be the exact team bad enough to let him play.  Wigginton’s position flexibility and respectable power from middle infield spots make him an ownable option in many leagues.

Dallas Braden P (50%)- So I own Braden in my league.  I was incredibly nervous this morning about putting him up against the Yankees, but he hasn’t allowed a run through 4.  If you are lucky enough to be in the half of leagues where he is not owned, get him now.  Pitching this well against the Yankees will surely spike his value and give his season legitimacy.

I’ll let Ethan deal with the streaming advice and I’ll talk about closers for a second.  In most leagues, all closers are owned no matter how much they suck (except Franklin Morales, you have to draw a line somewhere).  The key to winning saves is to pick up the guys who are going to replace the awful closers.  Here are a couple of situations worth watching:

Brian Fuentes does not have the Angels job locked down.  After coming off an injury, he has struggled some.  Look for Fernando Rodney to continue getting saves.

Chad Qualls has been struggling for the D-Backs too.  If you want saves from that situation, pick up, umm, hmm, well…Morales will soon have competition for the title of worst closer in baseball.

The Chicago Cubs are not a situation worth watching.  Carlos Marmol has been dominant.  The Carlos Zambrano move is inexplicable, but it would be even more inexplicable to move Marmol out of the closer role.

And I know all of you just got scared we might have had a post on this blog not mentioning Heyward and since Ethan just went sabermetric on us this morning, I thought I’d take this opportunity to drop some more knowledge.

Heyward has a BABIP (batting average on balls in play) of .417.  Generally, this is a statistic that measures “luck” in hitting.  Heyward has been lucky so far, but not so lucky as to avoid striking out.  He is on pace to come in second, all-time, in strikeouts in a season.  Also, HALF of the fly balls he has hit so far in his career have been home runs.  Sustainable?  No.  Absolutely not.  Heyward will be great, but we should temper our expectations for his rookie season.  He will be good, not great.  Look at Griffey’s numbers in his rookie year.  And Heyward isn’t Griffey.

Again, it’s easy for young guys to succeed before pitchers can study their habits.  Once pitchers realize (for example) that breaking pitches will make a player’s knees buckle, the game becomes a bit more difficult.

Jason Heyward Continues to Rule the World and Other Thoughts

In case you haven’t read it enough, Jason Heyward has pretty much been deified on this site. More evidence continues to surface to corroborate my (and all of Atlanta’s) argument, as he hit a home run with two outs in the bottom of the ninth to tie the Phillies, and the Braves would go on to win in extra innings, courtesy of a Nate McLouth walk-off job. Heyward now has four homers, and is tied for fourth in the majors in RBI with 16. He hits sixth in the Braves lineup still, inexplicably behind the useless Troy Glaus, who is hitting .200 with only 2 HR and 8 RBI. Move him up, Cox!

While The Say Hey Baby is trying his balls off to captain my teams onto the leaderboard, they continue to slip. The Loney Bones and Teamocil both lost points yesterday, falling to third and sixth respectively. My offenses, save for Heyward, have completely sputtered. It’s okay, the Hero’s Journey is never easy, but I shall prevail in the end.

Other thoughts on last night’s action:

  • Darnell McDonald single-handedly saved the Red Sox from themselves last night, hitting a game-tying two-run homer in the eighth and a walk-off single in the ninth. How ironic that a black player rescued the most racist organization in sports…hmm, maybe there is something to this whole integration dealy. For the record, Willie Harris yesterday said he had heard that Boston is a racist city, but said he didn’t experience it while he was there for a few months in 2006. However, since then, I can count the African American that have played for the Sox on one hand – Mike Cameron, Bill Hall, Joey Gathright, Coco Crisp and Royce Clayton. Other than Crisp, none of them played in 100 games, and Crisp was run out of town as soon as Jacoby Ellsbury came along (admittedly, that had more to do with talent than race). That number still strikes me as abysmally low. Just a gripe.
  • Matt Kemp is tied for the lead in the NL in homers and in the whole damn league in RBI. Remember just two years ago when he was struggling to get playing time because Joe Torre was set on playing Juan Pierre? The guy’s ridiculous, and by next March could be in the discussion for the number one overall pick. He’s also stolen two bases so far. I don’t want to get into what numbers he’s on pace for, but the numbers he’s likely to reach this year could be something like .310, 35 HR, 110 RBI, 100 R and 25 SB. In other words, just redonkalous numbers. Just redonkalous…
  • Jabula, who I’ve repeatedly trashed for his dealings with The Villain, overtook the lead from said Villain last night, and is free to bite his thumb at me. Kudos on streaming effectively thus far, but somehow I doubt when all is said and done Nelson Cruz will be leading the majors in HR and Jorge Cantu will do the same in RBI, both of whom are doing just that for his team. Enjoy it while it lasts, and I’ll at least take solace in the fact that no true Yankee fan owns Kevin Youkilis.
  • Carlos Zambrano of Teamocil made the Mets look foolish yesterday, allowing only a two-run triple to Jose Reyes in six innings, striking out nine. While his ERA and WHIP are, how you say, ATROCIOUS, he does have 26 strikeouts in 19.1 innings, which is phenomenal. The 7.45 ERA and 1.86 WHIP aren’t worth it at all, but if he can string together a couple of fine starts like last night’s, he’ll be fine. Remember, he’s never had a year in which his ERA has been above 3.95, so he’s got that going for him. Among his foolish-looking victims was Mets call-up Ike Davis, who’s had a history of strikeout issues in the minors, as detailed here. Acquire at your own risk.
  • Finally, Jeff Mathis went to the DL with a broken wrist, paving the way for HR-exclusive Mike Napoli, who was a Loney Bone, and made his triumphant return about 5 minutes ago. I say HR-exclusive because all he does is hit home runs. He has a career pace of one home run every 16.8 at-bats, which is about a half-AB less than Hank Aaron. So yeah, he’s pretty good at socking some dingers. If you have a need for home runs and don’t own Victor Martinez, Joe Mauer or Brian McCann, I would recommend picking him up.

Please comment below guys, we need ego-strokes.